My Personal Mission Statement

When I was in highschool, I realized that sometimes I cared TOO much. I noticed that I was always wanting to help other people out and be there for them. I wanted to show them the love of God and let them know they were not alone in this world. Compassion was my middle name. This ended up in me getting used a lot and hurt alot. I had a lot of questions to God. Why am I so nice? Why do I allow myself to get hurt? Why don't I see that sometimes trying to help someone won't always turn out right?? As life progressed, I began to realize that God gave me a compassionate heart for a reason. He gave me the heart to want to help others and that having that kind of heart is not wrong. I began to understand that not every person that I reach out to will be thankful. They won't always be appreciative and they might even bring pain to me through rejection. But I learned that love is worth it. We all need to love each other more, no matter how big the baggage, and how undesirable the person. I'm learning to love the unloveable and care for the people who do not even care for themselves. This is not always an easy task but it's worth the time. Jesus cared for us, didn't He? We are the unloveable. We are the undesirable. We are the ones with the baggage. We are the ones who seem to not even care about ourselves because of how we treat our bodies. We are those people. He showed us compassion whenever we least deserved it. He reached out to us no matter how many times we rejected Him. He never stopped loving us and He never gave up on us. If He can do that for me, shouldn't I follow His way and try to be that person for others? I am the one that is compassionate. That is God's gift to me. I will remember that I am not perfect like Jesus and that I will not always have the answers. I will not always feel like showing compassion to another person. But, I will remember though that love is what the person needs more than anything and that Jesus loved me at my weakest moment. I will remember that love can bring us hope and a purpose again. So,with remembering this, I shall love, no matter the cost.

Taking out the Trash

I am throwing my junk away. I am going to get rid of that gunk and dirt in my life and saying HELLO to what the Lord has to offer me. I'm going through the refining fire baby and it has never felt any better!!!! There is a lot of stuff in my life that is just junk. It's stuff I'm not proud of. It's stuff that I'd rather never see again. It's stuff I just long to be rid of. But it's stuff that is very tempting and VERY hard to say no to at times. But you know what? The fight is worth it. It's not over until it's over. That's my new motto. God has awesome things in store for me and I don't want to miss out on any of it because the world is holding me back. No! I say NO!! NO MORE! I'm going to put up a fight and stand up for my Lord. This world has never given me what I desired, what I deeply desired. Only God can do that for me. He is my EVERYTHING! I will no longer compromise. I will no longer throw in the towel and give up! His love is worth fighting for. When everything else has faded and everyone has left me stranded..the Lord has always been there. And He always will be.

Binge Drinking

I watched a movie on binge drinking tonight. I never really thought much into it but I realized that has been a big part of my life. I used to binge drink all the time. Binge drinking is defined as the consumption of dangerously large quantities of alcoholic beverages in one session. If you have ever been apart of the activity of binge drinking or know someone who has, why do you think they do it?

I kept thinking and wondering. Why did I binge drink? Did I truly enjoy it? And I realized..no. Having one or two drinks was good to loosen up but after that, why do we continue? I realized that mainly a big part of it in my life was to be accepted. I wanted to be accepted by my friends. If their doing it, I will. I also realized that I was shy. I could be very shy and held back and reserved. I saw drinking as the oppurtunity to let go of that shyness and become someone "better" than I was. I didn't think of the dangers. I didn't think of how I could eaisly hurt myself or someone else. I don't think that anyone truly did. I, just as any other teen girl, longed for approval and acceptance. It's a vicious cycle. It's a momentary action that to you seems harmless but then you begin to get caught up. It doesn't happen just one night, but there are many other nights as well. And things don't always go for the best. Too many bad things happen with too much consumption of alcohol. It then becomes less "fun" but still more addicting. It doesn't matter if you wake up in the morning feeling like crap, or you made that one mistake, or ect. You will do it again. Because that is where you find your acceptance.
That was my story anyway. It took a huge tragedy to change that for me and I still find it a weakness. I can still put myself in a situation with different people and think that alcohol is the solution and it's not.

The beauty of the story is that I am now searching for my acceptance only in the Lord. I have let go of the alcohol and am fighting the temptations. I will fight until it's over. I will not grow weary and I will not give up and throw in the towel. The Lord is my rock and my strength. Even though I do fall short and I sometimes fall and mess up and give into the temptation, I will NOT give up. Because, all that I was searching for when I was searching for acceptance has been found. The love I longed for, that I took that drink for, has always been there for me. In Him!


But the sad thing is that not everyone sees that. There are still many people searching and many people making the mistakes. There are many people seeking out alcohol to make them a better person, a more "fun" person. What can we do for those people? What can we do for ourselves? I pray that the people who are searching will soon find what their searching for before it's too late. Even though alcohol can be my weakness, it never fulfills me and only leaves me with negative feelings. To know that many people are still feeling that way night after night brings me sorrow. The pain of searching and never being fulfilled is one of the worst feelings in the world.

Anyways.. this is a 5 in the morning blog, YES, FOLKS.. 5 in the morning. Why am I still awake???? haha!
If this blog seems scattered in any way, it's because it's 5! LOL

Those are my thoughts for the night. I'll be back.. :) Hopefully you enjoy my blogs and we can grow from each other and learn from each other. I'm looking forward to reading all of your blogs as well!!!!!

TOOTLES

<3

Gods Good!!

It's just crazy how God answers prayers sometimes. Today I was doing my quiet time and I just realized how amazing God truly is. If we draw near to Him, He draws near to us.. if we seek Him, we find Him. It's not lies-its the truth! It's so great..to have a best friend in Him...someone so powerful who is always there-and just wants my heart.... no other agenda. Just wants my love! :) I have been praying for community ... meaningful friendships in my life ... REAL friends... and I have been praying for motivation,encouragement, and the ability to lose weight... to stay healthy... and God has been answering both! And even answered both..within one person! :) I have been too busy searching out other things, and other people to answer my own prayers..that I forgot just to give it to God....Which is what we should always do all along. Because to be honest, we dont have the power to solve our problems. We have the free will to get ourselves into them in the first place...but let God get you out! :)

Where is my place?

So.. tonight was a thinking night. Not for sure where God wants me and just getting so torn and tired from the slump I have been. I have been in it for years..and I dont want to be in it for years to come. God..what direction do you want me to go Lord? Please hear my heart...and show me the way. I know you have a plan for me..you have a marvelous plan beyond anything I could dream.. but its just getting there..having the patience to wait..and to trust you.
Also..I have no community whatsoever. I feel like I'm alone on this journey. Only one friend who truly understands me and what I've gone thro..on this journey...and is on the journey too. To live for You. To serve You..and to grow..and she is miles away! I really need those friends-to help me along..

I just need to find my place..Lord..where is my place?

Were only human

He told me he was bad for me. That I was changing because of him. He warned me. Then I realized,almost all of "them" warned me. They said there was something innocent about me-no matter what I had done. Some knew their limits-and left before it had gotten to far. Others pushed and pushed and regretted what they had done later. Or did they? They warned me. But I was dumb to the fact. I did not heed the warning. I wanted to show them LOVE. I didnt want them to think I was too good for them. They needed me. And I thought I needed them. HA! You cant change someone. I had to learn that the hard way. I reached my hand down to lift them up and they pulled me down right with them. I couldnt be strong for them any longer because I couldnt be strong for myself. You can not save anyone who doesnt want to be saved. I did not have the strength... I never did. I was trying to save them on what little strenghth I had-and not God's. So..there unfolded my life.
My life of trying to save people.. trying to help people.. trying to love people..trying to show them compassion... and in the end-I was one of them. A lost girl-needing to be saved-needing help-needing love-and needing compassion. How did I get there?! When once I knew who I was and where I was headed. Life turned upside down in a blink of an eye.......
It seems it can change so quickly
But getting back up..and starting over seems to take forever. Rebuilding who you were-only takes time. I think maybe we can appreciate it more that way. The time it takes to rebuild your life-should hinder you from wanting to destroy it again. Because honestly who wants to go back to trying to save the world and being pulled down with it? We're not superheros. We can't be..no matter how hard we try. We can make an impact..but we can't step into the scene..and excpect to come out clean. We're only human

Rambling About..NOTHING!

Blah..its 6:30 in the morning..and I got up at 5:30. Only to have fallen asleep at about 3:00. I'm NOT a morning person whatsoever. Obviously..I can hardly sleep at night. So I hate when I have to get up this early for work-or ANYTHING! lol. If I could sleep at night, I think this would be a different story. It didnt help that yesterday I started drinking green tea...which is supposed to help with weight loss, metabalism, and energy.... and..I worked out... so I defintely could not sleep. I was sitting there at about midnight, thinking I was ready to go work out again. lol. That is NOT me.. I usually do not have tons of energy. Which is good-but at the same time- is gonna be dangerous whenever I cant sleep at night and have to be up early the next morning. Oh well. This is how I see it..I'm gonna get to work... and after work..come home.. and hopefully make a trip up to Bolivar to get Fathers Day gifts..and then LAY DOWN when I get back. Or work out.lol.. but I'm talking positive and telling myself I will have the option of laying down when 2:00 rolls around. Wow.. this blog is totally pointless. But its 6:30 in the mornign and I need to pass time.

Anyways..I'm pretty excited I stumbled upon this green tea. Wish I would of drank it sooner. Just drinking green tea alone, in 15 weeks..you can lose up to 47% body fat.. but with exercise you can lose up to 89%. How awesome!!! My goal is to lose like 20-30 pounds..and I will be feeling pretty good about myself. This whole energy thing too is awesome... because it actually pushes me to want to work out! :) I usually cant ever get up the motivation or energy...

So my work out plan is dancing. I'm gonna dance my *** off. (lol its a show!) but seriously..I love dancing... got this dvd to learn different dance moves from dancing from the stars. I'm also going to look into a belly dancing dvd! :)
I have missed dancing so much... and doing this it reminds me of highschool and cheerleading-and all the dances we did. It takes me back ! So much fun. After highschool you do not have too many oppurtunites to just go and dance..because there are not many dance parties for post grad people.
Lol..
but it is something I enjoy...

anyways..this is enough rambling..about nothing

:) good day!!