Well..my life has felt like a roller coaster the last few days. Just trying to enjoy the ride..but not sure which turns and ups and downs are worth taking. Kinda like..what I should have in my life and what I shouldnt. Who I should have in my life..and who I shouldnt. It's so hard..I feel like I'm torn in a million directions. I'm torn from the person that I want to be..the one I know that I need to be.... and the one who still wants to hold on to some things of her past. In all honesty, that person just needs to let go. I cant ever be her again..and in a way, im okay with that. Actually-im fully okay with that ..most times..its just how do I seperate myself from that kinda enviroment and still have a greaaaaat summer?
Maybe its just the fact that I want to find friends.. that will SUPPORT ME..and LOVE ME...and ENCOURAGE ME.. for what I believe in..and what I do. Instead of feeling like I have to be someone or do things that I would rather not to do.. I need to keep my backbone..and just be me! It's so hard trying to seperate from your old self.. to be the new creation God has made me to be.
Church last night was awesome. Just what I needed to hear. I need to draw near to Him... and He will draw near to me. I need to stay disciplined...and I need to press onward. I need to stop being a dreamer-and just do it! Because I know that the life I was leading just will lead to death..and it's not going to take me anywhere-but God has bigger plans..and He wants me to let go of what I cant control-and trust in Him.
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If you know who you need to be, then you can be. You just have concentrate on doing the right things and making the right choices, instead of concentrating on having a great summer. I think that once you are completely to the point where you know who you are then the great summer will follow. If it doesnt follow, then you know that it just wont be able to happen and you'll just have to accept that people wont change and will have to somehow come up with your own fun. Personally, I think its better that way because then you arent pressured into things you dont wanna do..therefore pressuring you into someone you dont wanna be.
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